Two Kinds of Loyalty

Two Kinds of Loyalty

The first kind of loyalty is the loyalty of convenience.

I'm going to look around, sure, but probably won't switch. Switching is risky, it's time consuming. Switching means getting to know a new partner, learning their quirks and peeves. Switching means I might lose what I know, which is ok but I feel it could be better, for what looks like better, but after a few weeks I’ll find that it is not.

Then there's the other kind of loyalty. This is the loyalty of, "I'm not even looking."

This is the loyalty of, "I'm the kind of person that sticks with people who stick with me." This is the loyalty of someone who doesn't even want to know that there's a better deal somewhere else, because, after all, he or she is in it for the long haul.

The problem with the loyalty of convenience is that the person is always tempted to look and look some more, and the partner is always working to build barriers, barriers that don't necessarily increase satisfaction. Some might think it kids. Others, might think it’s financial stability. Some might think it’s force.

There is not a common term for this sort of feeling, but 'stuck' comes to mind for the person looking. If your partner feels stuck, you have a problem and are likely the problem [may or may not be your fault, but you are the problem].

The beauty of the second kind of loyalty, the loyalty of identity and satisfaction, is that the person who isn't even looking is committed, as committed to the relationship as you are. You earn this sort of loyalty, you don't engineer it by having children, or buying love, or domestic violence.

You can only focus on creating one sort of loyalty at a time, true?

Words don’t matter without action.

Moreover, I’ve learned action doesn’t matter without words, not everyone notices what you’re doing or see your actions as you see them. Market yourself and what your doing for the relationship to your partner.

Focus on creating the loyalty of “I’m not even looking.”



Inspired and derived from Seth Godin: http://sethgodin.typepad.com/seths_blog/2013/10/two-kinds-of-loyalty.html