Own It!

“What it’s like to Fail” and “Why I make Terrible Decisions, or, Poverty’s Thoughts” are both refreshing and bona fide. In “Why I make terrible Decisions, or, Poverty’s Thoughts” the author, goes by KILLERMARTINIS (KM), shares her view of poverty, and why it’s a Herculean task to blossom beyond poverty into adequate means or richness. She aims to add her voice of experience to the poverty discussion. In “What it’s like to Fail” the author, David, grew up in a great neighborhood, went to good schools, found a great career and was making over $300,000 a year. He shares his story of success and failure, as well as his struggle to reclaim success.

What I’ve found to be relatively true ­–– born rich, born-dirt poor, or somewhere in-between ­­–– at some point in your life you become solely responsible for your choices and your life. Anyone can experience life-changing failure, and we all live weary of failing beyond the point of recovery. David didn’t fail, he made a choice to leave his job in order to spend more time with his family.

“It (his job) was heaven. Except it wasn’t for Marina. Or my family. The working hours were hideous: Most days started at 10 a.m. and ended at 3 a.m. The easy nights were the nights we filmed, when we finished by 10 p.m. I barely saw Marina and the children, except on weekends. Our house was not a home but the place I checked into when I wasn’t working. Marina, meanwhile, struggled to deal with eight children. Both my family and my marriage started to fall apart. My comedy writer skillset -- being a quick-witted wisenheimer who could debate endlessly -- didn’t transfer well to a home setting. Whereas I was well-compensated to have a dad in a sitcom make a joke out of his daughter’s emotional crisis, it wasn’t funny with real daughters and real sons and a real wife. It was irritating and provoked resentment.

So I had to make a change. I had to quit my dream job. I had carefully saved and we had lived well below our means, so I decided to take a couple of years off to devote time to my real job: husband and father.”

To declare husband and father are the “real jobs” doesn’t adequately describe what it means to be both. Why was the weekend not enough for he and his family? Only they know; all the same, I can relate. My wife has engaged (quite aggressively) with me about the lack of time we spend together. At one point in our relationship, she shared her dislike with me concerning her perceived view that I had the habit of coming home and falling asleep on the couch instead of spending time with her. One, it wasn’t true, did I fall asleep on the couch –– sure, but it wasn’t a habit or problem that needed to be addressed. Two, I will never apologize for working in order to provide for our family, nor, will I apologize for being tired as a result. And, unlike David, I will never quit my career solely to spend more time with my family. I do understand though, songs have been written about the intoxicating power of love, think, “What You Won’t Do for Love,” by Bobby Caldwell. David put ownership of his life in the hands of his wife when they were supposed to be partners. Had he retained ownership, he would’ve or should ‘ve saw that without his career and income, he and his family (eight children) would solve the problem of “not enough time together” but have new problems sustaining a lifestyle.

To continue a bit on David’s wife. People are hard to please, and I charge you with your happiness –– OWN IT. I can’t make you happy beyond a moment, you can’t make me happy beyond a moment. Day to day, in the long term, you and I are responsible for our happiness (a religious person might say inner peace or inner joy). David’s wife was unhappy, and he attempted to make her happy by doing what she wanted, which brought about the very thing he was trying to avoid, divorce, and a broken home. I was heartbroken when I read that she left him after he provided exactly what she asked for –– more time together. A sad and prime example of how fickle we are, and why you can’ t live trying to please anyone other than yourself.

KM is hopeless. Her statement, “We know that the very act of being poor guarantees that we will never not be poor. It doesn't give us much reason to improve ourselves,” further indicates the depth of her mental defeat. Unless her mental state changes, her situation is unlikely to change. KM’s hopelessness is a result of her choices. She became pregnant while living out of a motel. Nevertheless, mistakes happen. Assuming pregnancy was purely a mistake, one can’t find fault with a woman for giving birth over abortion regardless of her situation, or, find fault with her for attempting to take care of her responsibility instead of providing the young person for adoption. However, without any improvement in her situation, she became pregnant again, which was a bad choice with regard to establishing stability for herself and her family. KM’s second child surely threw a wrench into any forward progress she had made toward stability and adequate means. I do not believe she owned that decision, she gave in to her mate, or was reckless, in either case, she failed to own that choice.

Own it, no matter the age. I attended Patterson Senior High School for 9th and 10th grade. A person can obtain a great education from Patterson and go onto be anything they want, if they apply themselves. I did not; I engaged in the many distractions that were available to me. Following my 10th grade year, I felt that if I stayed at Patterson I would not be in a position to establish stable employment following high school. I didn’t see college in the cards at the time, so I figured I would learn a trade to be employable after high school. I took action to get myself transferred to Carver Vocational - Technical High School. I only required my grandmother to sign the paperwork, which she did; for that, I thank her. There was a point during the process when she asked me if I was sure that transferring was what I wanted to do. She asked me, the teen, if I was sure that I wanted to transfer. She herself had limited academic education, thus it was on me. Besides, she had done more than enough for me already by providing a home, food, and stability in the absence of my mother and father. For the record, we were working poor; I assert, being poor does not ensure you will never not be poor. Back to my point, the decision to transfer to Carver in an attempt to better my prospects for employment following high school was mine. I took ownership for my future.

Part of being a man or woman is taking ownership of your life –– responsibility for ones actions, as well as being able to face life as is, whatever the circumstances. If you are able to do that, you will be able to make good and reasonable choices that are critical to the trajectory of your life.

I am self-conscious to the fact that I am typing this in the comfort of my home, warm, and relatively safe. I’m self-aware that I am passing judgment on two authors who’ve courageously shared their life experience. I’ve done this to share my view of where they went wrong, and my feelings about how you and I can avoid such a fate. I wish both David and KM successes. I thank them for sharing their stories. Each story encouraged me to reflect on my life and appreciate my situation. My reality: life could be better, life could be a hell-of-a lot worse, but overall, life is good. Fact: one wrong choice can change that in a heartbeat. Success is not guaranteed, if you fail, fail based on your choices, your terms, not that of another. If you succeed, succeed on your terms, based on your choices, take credit (and share as applicable). OWN IT –– take ownership of your life.