I Don't Need Your Help

Is there ever a time when an individual should decline assistance?

Yes.

Everyone has received or will receive assistance in some form during their lifetime. Sometimes assistance is requested, often assistance is offered, every-now-and-then, assistance is provided without foreknowledge. Assistance is not a bad thing, and a willingness to ask for assistance often shows strength and courage. 

However, CONSIDER ONLY KNOWINGLY ACCEPTING OR ASKING FOR ASSISTANCE WHEN YOU NEED IT AND AS A LAST RESORT. Watching my son interact with his sister reminded and crystallized for me how declining assistance builds confidence, resiliency, and character.

My son (age 3) fell with his bike still in-between his legs making a sharp turn. My daughter (age 14) rushed to his aid. Before I could yell leave him alone, he stated, “I’ve got it my Mya.” She insisted, and proceeded to help him, he again declined, “Get oooooff.” Her face, a spectacle of displeasure, accepted his decision and left him to his wits. He struggled free of the bike, then picked himself and the bike up. He walked over to me looking for assurance, “Dad.”

“Go ahead Po.”

“I fell down.”

“I saw you. Are you ok?”

“I’m ok. Dad, I’m going riding bike.”

“Go ahead my dude.”

His face, his walk, and his aura were full of confidence. He proved to himself that he could get up by himself. Imagine had he accepted help from his sister. He wouldn’t have learned the lesson of self-reliance; he wouldn’t have earned the right to be confident in his ability to pick himself up off the ground. He wouldn’t have experienced the joyous self-esteem that filled his aura. That surely wasn't his first time he's asked to be left alone to do something on his own. The way he rejected his sister indicates he has been slowly building confidence by doing things on his own during pre-school, and a reflection of how we (me and my wife) encourage him to do things for himself at home. And that's it, it's a habit, the habit of self-reliance and building confidence in oneself to know when to go it alone, and when to seek help.

[Sing it] Some––times in our lives

We all have pain, we all have sorrow

But if we are wise

We know that there's always tomorrow

Lean on me; when you're not strong

And I'll be your friend, I'll help you carry on

For it won't be long

'Til I'm gonna need somebody to lean on

Please, swallow your pride

If I have things you need to borrow

For no one can fill those of your needs

That you won't let show

You just call on me, brother, when you need a hand

We all need somebody to lean on… 

–– Bill Withers

“Lean on Me” a classic song, and still relevant today. Yes, we will all need somebody to lean on. The key is determining when you –– NEED –– assistance. Do not accept assistance just because it’s available. If you are capable of doing it on your own ––– DO IT.  

I've heard the saying, GOD helps those who help themselves, while not found in the Bible, it may well be true.

My experience has shown me that people help those who help themselves.

I don't need your help, you don't need my help, but know, I may call on you, you can call on me—there is no shame in that. There will always be people you can lean on, just use them as a last resort.

As we do things on our own, we come to rely on ourselves. We begin to trust in our ability to overcome.  We build confidence, resiliency, and character.