A friend introduced me to the website Helium.com in 2008. Helium.com is one of the first “citizen journalism” peer-reviewed platforms of its kind, Helium has been publishing content since 2006. Helium.com provides members the opportunity to pose questions and start debates. More importantly, there is the potential to earn money for winning debates and sharing your views. In July of 2008, I responded to the question: Is sharing housework between husbands and wives the key to successful marriages?
Reading my post now, five years later I can’t help but laugh. I recall quickly writing my response then posting my first draft. I thought it was good enough then, viewing it now, I feel it’s wordy. The original post, 624 words [errors and all], follows my revision:
What is the key to a successful marriage?
Is sharing housework the key?
Revision [461 words]:
Is sharing housework between husbands and wives the key to successful marriages?
No, there is no one key to achieving a successful marriage. Trust, love, and respect are the keys to successful marriages. Additionally, you cannot overlook respect for individuality, and understanding of expectations, both are extremely important to the success of marriage.
Respect for individuality means providing space to accept the spouse as they are today, and reflect upon and accept how they’ll change over time, which could void the cliché, “growing apart.”
Marriage is complex and rooted in tradition. Be that as it may, traditional roles are evolving.
Traditionally, women became an extension of their husband once married. Women were homemakers dependent on their husband for financial security. The feminist movement attempted to redefine traditional wifely behavior. The movement broke barriers and shattered myths, but fell short. Economics’ would move feminists across the goal-line. Financial necessity forced the remaining men who were against their wives having careers to accept their wives entering the workforce. Today women are acknowledged for what they are: equal to men. Women are achieving income that exposes them to financial independence, consequently, women are displaying more individuality, confidence, and feelings of self-worth. In addition, most girls today are taught to develop individuality and confidence during upbringing just as boys are.
Women have always needed, but today they are demanding space to be themselves. Submission is being replaced with assertiveness, which provides for a true 50/50 partnership or at the very least a partnership of consent. Simply put, the gavel is shared or one agrees to hand over the gavel to the other by choice, instead of succumbing to force, coercion, or circumstance.
Due to aforementioned changes in society, the communication and acceptance of expectations are more important now than ever. The traditional marriage --- male income provider/head of household, female homemaker --- remains one of the best forms of marriage. Modern/untraditional marriages are great too. The key is finding the partner who shares your view of marriage and accepts the communicated expectations. Every aspect of the relationship must be discussed. Too often, men and women experience light to extreme behavioral changes in their partner that negatively impacts the relationship once married [my view: 25% of that is due to the suppressed individuality of both men and women; 25% of that is due to trying to catch the fish so the truest self is not shown; 50% of that is due to natural evolution and maturity]. Couples must clearly understand where each other stands instead of acting on assumptions to be successful.
In conclusion, sharing the housework can be a part of a successful marriage --- if --- that is the communicated and accepted expectation. However, trust, love, and respect are the keys to successful marriages.
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Original post, 624 words [comparing the two versions is a good example of how writing can be tightened up]:
Is sharing housework between husbands and wives the key to successful marriages?
No
Sharing the housework is not the key to a successful marriage. While trust, love, and respect are the basic foundation; in my opinion, respect for individuality and the communication and acceptance of expectations are the keys to successful marriages.
Sharing housework is – in my opinion – too simple of an answer. Marriage is a complex arrangement rooted in tradition and stereotypes. The traditional roles and stereotypes are evolving and will continue to change as the current generation and future generations shape society.
Respect for each others individuality provides space to accept the spouse as they are today, and reflect upon and accept how they change over time. Thus, the old marriage clich, “growing or grown apart,” becomes void. This space and respect for individuality will be the rule not the exception for marriage as we continue into the 21st century.
Traditionally; women became an extension of their husband once married. Women stayed home, raised the kids, kept the home, and depended on their husband for financial security.
The feminist movement of the 19th century attempted to remove traditional wifely behavior. The movement broke barriers and shattered myths, yet fell short.
Economic forces accompanied by other forces pushed many men, who would otherwise object, to accept there wives working. From the late 80′s through the early 90′s the husband normally had a higher income than their spouse. In today’s society, baring a few exceptions, women are considered equal to men. Moreover, women are entering the workforce faster than ever before and are earning salaries equal to or higher than men. Statistically on average men are paid more than women; nevertheless, most income earned by women is enough to provide financial independence. Further, financial independence provides individuality, confidence, and a sense of self-worth.
This individuality an individuality that most men already have embedded from upbringing and is beginning to be taught to women requires that the husband and wife provide space for each to be themselves. This space replaces the traditional action of submission. This individuality provides for the marriage union that is truly a 50/50 partnership. A union where both man and woman share head of household duties and share the gavel.
Due to changing roles and broken stereotypes, the communication of expectations increases in importance. Moreover, the acceptance of communicated expectations is pivotal.
The traditional marriage where the male earns the income and the female raises the kids and maintains the home remains one of the best forms of marriage. A married couple that is into swinging can be successful. A rare – but growing in number – marriage where the female is the bread winner can be great as well. The key is finding the partner who feels the same way and at the minimum accepts the expectations communicated.
No aspect of the relationship can be overlooked. Everything from housework to intimacy should be covered to the extent that there are no surprises. Too often, men and women behave one way prior to marriage and different once married (some of that has to do with suppressed individuality). Once a specific topic is breached it is up to each to accept or decline. Either way, each should clearly understand where each stands followed by the appropriate rational action instead of taking action based on assumptions.
Again, the answer to the question,” Is sharing housework the key to successful marriage,” is – no.
Sharing the housework can be a part of a successful marriage. Additionally a marriage where the woman does the all the housework can be successful. Today, you may even have the male doing all the housework. Each can be a successful marriage. In my opinion, it solely depends on communicated and accepted expectations.
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